It’s that time of year again when people start sneezing and coughing. The real talent comes in when you can do both at the same time. I don’t recommend this though, especially if you haven’t done your business yet. You might end up with a mess that’s too hard to clean up, like I almost did this morning. I felt the grumbles starting about 30 minutes ago. I should’ve paid better attention to them, because they were trying to tell me something. It wasn’t until I got home that I found out what that something was. What followed next was

I tried to hold it in…I really did. But that damn Chinese food just shot through me like poop through a goose. One minute, everything is fine. And then all of the sudden, MOVE!!!! I knew when I was standing at the counter waiting for my order, that I was going to regret it later, and boy was I right. It wasn’t even 10 minutes after I finished that I was running for the bathroom. There were birds chirping outside my window before I came in here. Not anymore. I don’t knowing it was the smell or the sound that

Three times…THREE! That’s the amount of times I’ve pinched one off in the last 3 hours. It must be something in the water. It’s too bad I don’t drink beer, otherwise I could avoid this debacle. At this point, I’m starting to wear a hole in the floor between my couch and the bathroom. I’ve memorized the paint pattern on the wall and it’s only one color! I’m really at a loss here. Should I bring the tv with me next time? Install a head and foot rest on the toilet? And why does it smell like a skunk?!!?