I decided to door dash again tonight. I finished eating about 27 minutes ago and I’ve been sitting on the toilet for 26 and a half minutes. Yes, I timed it. It was just a burger…or as we’ll refer to it from now on, the devil’s hockey puck. Somehow, that son of a bitch managed to fuck up my evening by sending me the driest, hardest burger patty in the history of burger patties. Now I’m paying the price, all because I was hungry. The sheer volume of what’s coming out of my brown eye, should scare the shit out of you. The sounds that are coming from my bathroom are haunting. The raccoon that was living in my attic, just put a for rent sign in his window and gave me the finger as he climbed the neighbor’s tree. I can’t say that I blame him. Trash pandas can be very moody when they smell something worse than themselves. Ah well, time to flush. It was nice knowing you all.
Don’t know what DoorDash is ??
With your favorite restaurants at your fingertips, DoorDash satisfies your cravings and connects you with possibilities — more time and energy for yourself and those you love.
Get $10, $5 off your first 2 DoorDash orders over $10, when you sign-up using the link below (new customers only). Expires 14 days from first order.
Click Here >> https://drd.sh/GHFKsl